Pessimism and Me: How Expecting the Worst Makes me Happier

The public perception of the average pessimist is anything but pleasant.

People expect some dour, constantly frowning jerk who grumbles at everything and hates the world. Certainly they don't picture anything like me, talkative and energetic to the point of idiocy. I am so ceaselessly chatty and pointlessly pleasant that I sometimes seem more the product of a highly successful lobotomy than a real person. Yet, I am a pessimist, through and through. I approach even the slightest indication of good-things-to-come with a skepticism reminiscent of a teenage boy being informed that he can make money by doing nothing but watching television.

And so one is left to wonder, how could it be possible that a constant negative outlook translate into the sort of nearly boundless cheer and affability that I possess?

Well, it all lies in precisely what I'm pessimistic about. You see, outlooks on life are not necessarily all-encompassing, despite what most people assume. Being a nihilist on a large scale does not preclude one from being a hedonist on scales much smaller. My outlook is split not by scale, but by timeframe.

I'm actually rather optimistic about the Present. I look at what I have and go, "Eh, I've 'ad worse." Instead, I expect disappointment and sorrow from the FUTURE. And here's where the interesting bit lies: A pessimist of the future will constantly be pleasantly surprised about how mild and tolerable reality is. An optimist will suffer constant disappointment. And that's it. That's the entirety of the secret of staying happy. You expect people to be rubbish, and things to turn out as poorly as they possibly can, and when you arrive you encounter, "Oh, this isn't so bad at all. I can definitely handle this." And so, in summation, I can do nothing but highly recommend being whiny and depressed about the future. It lies in your favor.